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UMESH PATEL’S advertisement for a bride in the matrimonial section of an Indian newspaper followed tradition in all but one respect. It read: “Girl aged 20 to 25; no divorcees; Patel caste; HIVpositive”.
Of the 100 responses he received from parents across the state of Gujarat last year, none met the criteria. The candidates were from the wrong caste, widowed or terribly confused. “Parents described their daughter’s complexion, weight and education,” Mr Patel, 27, said. “So I asked how long she’d had the virus. They thought it was a qualification. When I explained it caused Aids, they slammed down the phone.”
The advertisement was the culmination of a seven-year search for a wife which began when the sari stall owner’s arranged wedding was called off after he was found to have HIV. He was 19 and had become infected with the virus during visits to prostitutes. “If I don’t marry then people will think there’s something wrong with me,” he said. “In Indian culture it’s a stigma to live life unmarried. But no one’s going to marry a positive person.”
Finally he found a modern solution to traditional prejudices: he registered with a marriage bureau for people with HIV in Gujrat. Although it uses match-making methods adopted by singletons from Manhattan to Manchester, family and caste still play a role.
Kamlesh Patel, 26, a diamond polisher, married Nimisha, 25, after they were introduced through the bureau last November. He persuaded his family to compromise on their requirements for a wife from a matching caste.
Before the temple wedding attended by 100 guests in December, Nimisha visited his home and met his parents. The couple then spent an hour chatting alone over a curry in a restaurant. Both he and Nimisha had divorced after being diagnosed with HIV.
Mr Patel said: “I wanted to marry a girl who is positive. That’s all I asked for. I liked Nimisha’s kind-hearted, calm nature. We wanted to forget the past and live for the future.”
HIV is spreading at an alarming rate in India, which is second only to South Africa in its number of infections. More than five million people now carry the virus, which has spread into society’s mainstream. Six out of seven cases are caused by unsafe sex.
Discrimination against Aids victims and their families is ingrained. Last month a 37-year-old HIV-positive woman was murdered by her uncle and cousins in a village near Surat because they feared she would infect them.
India’s new Government has indicated that it is taking the issue more seriously than the previous administration. The finance minister has pledged increased spending on public health and used his first budget speech to promote condom use.
Television has begun to show celebrity endorsements of safe sex. Rahul Dravid, the Indian cricketer, became the first famous face to front advertisements promoting condom use. India’s film industry has also woken up to the issue with the release last year of the first Bollywood film that deals directly with HIV and the stigma surrounding it.
Many experts say that infection rates are far higher than official figures suggest. Anjali Gopalan, educative director of the Naz Foundation India Trust, an NGO focused on HIV prevention, said: “Millions of people have no contact with doctors or hospitals. The estimate of five million infections can safely be tripled. Our rates are second to South Africa but we don’t have half the mechanisms to deal with it. ”
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